Posted by
Katie Favazza on Friday, July 20, 2007 4:37:33 PM
While Bush undergoes a routine colonoscopy Saturday, he will transfer presidential powers to Dick Cheney. Here's a list of President Cheney's promises to the American people for his first 100 minutes.
Minute 1: Nuke Baghdad
Minute 15: Eliminate the Department of Homeland Security and replace it with Jack Bauer
Minute 36: Tea with Karl Rove
Minute 51: Nuke North Korea
Minute 65: By executive order, allot Wyoming 3 more senators… and a baseball team
Minute 73: Send Joe and Valerie Wilson to Guantanamo
Minute 81: Change into Darth Vadar costume and conspire with the Prince of Darkness
Minute 90: Actually pardon Scooter Libby, because the last president wasn’t cowboy enough to do it right the first time
Minute 93: “Respectfully but resolutely” assert importance of Halliburton
Minute 100: Hold press conference confirming the beliefs of Arianna Huffington and Kossacks nationwide that he is, in fact, evil
Special thanks to the Townhall staff members who collaborated with me, especially Matt Lewis, without whose brilliance this post might not have been realized.